You don’t have to.

This isn’t a game of Pinterest says.

You don’t have to decorate for fall.

You don’t have to post about obscure social holidays.

You don’t have to wear that flannel and bike shorts.

You don’t have to make a simmer pot of obscure ingredients.

You don’t have to DIY your kids’ costumes.

You don’t have to turn fruit snacks and M&Ms into Frankenstein.

You just don’t have to.

The only thing you have to do is take care of yourself by protecting your peace and monitoring your capacity. Unfortunately, that ONLY THING is also the hardest thing.

Here are 4 responses to shutdown self-talk or outside noise created by comparison.

• NUMBER 1: When you start to think/feel/say, “If she can ________ and still _______, then I should be able to as well.”
  • Say this instead –> I admire how you can ____, _____, and ____. Do you have any tips for time management? What kind of help or support do you have for other responsibilities?
    • You might find:
      • She has a village of support from friends, family, coworkers or neighbors.
      • She is riddled with stress and anxiety and rarely sleeps (highly likely).
      • She has a strategy to teach you for prioritizing or managing your time differently or more efficient.
      • She is, in fact, a mythical unicorn (highly unlikely).
• NUMBER 2: When you start to think/feel/say, “I didn’t ask for this advice & now I’m stuck listening.”
  • Say this instead –> “You are so passionate about that. Have you always been interested in __________?”
    • You might find:
      • The advice, while unsolicited, was actually joy and passion for a topic that could no longer be contained. You can respond to her joy and passion rather than apply it to your life (highly likely).
      • She may be feeling the same insecurity related to whatever the situation is and project hoping to connect. Your conversation may give her a space to put down that expectation & breath.
      • This switch to the topic in general and where the energy comes from may be enough to divert the attention to a different avenue of conversation that no longer feels as icky and pointed.
      • She is, in fact, a Regina George and is looking to make you feel miserable regardless of what it takes (highly unlikely).
• NUMBER 3: When you start to think/feel/say, “This sounds like zero joy, and I want nothing to do with this.”
  • Say this instead –> “Wow! I don’t have the capacity or attention for that, but you do a great job with that. I’ve been focusing on ________ right now.”
    • You might find:
      • The honesty of saying you don’t like it, don’t have the capacity or honestly don’t want to do that item is well-recieved because your objection has nothing to do with them and you still celebrated their efforts. You can switch the topic to something you feel excited about & no one skips a beat. (highly likely).
      • She may not know that you have other projects or areas of focus right now, and she’ll recognize that her advice was unfit for your circumstances. She may respond differently next time.
      • This switch to a topic or area of focus you actually have interest in may be enough to divert the attention to an area you’d be more open to receiving advice about.
      • She is, in fact, a troll and won’t give it up because what’s important to her must be important to you. (highly unlikely).
• NUMBER 4: When you start to think/feel/say, “She is going to make me crazy if she doesn’t stop giving me advice I didn’t ask for.”
  • Say this instead –> “Thank you for showing me so much care. Right now I am feeling confident with my choice to (or not to) ______, but if I need advice I will ask.”
    • You might find:
      • She needed you to be straight forward. She is invested in helping you and when given an opportunity to give you a solution, she was taking it. Expressing your confidence in your choice will help her feel confident that you are okay (highly likely).
      • She may ask follow up questions to confirm that you are doing okay and that she can let down her worry. This is okay, but you may have to hold firm in this response or say it a few times a few different ways.
      • The more blunt response may be uncomfortable for her and the atmosphere could shift a bit. Be mindful of your tone of voice and body language during this response because delivery is everything.
      • She is incapable of a mature conversation or straightforward response and may pull back. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her inner work (highly unlikely).

So there you have it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and can shamelessly shut off the noise of comparison.

Oh, and while this may be unsolicited advice in itself, please audit who you follow. None of us have our shit together, but if we are making your feelings feel some sort of way, adjust your subscriptions and only subscribe to the content that reminds you that are you are in fact THAT BITCH – worthy, beautiful, gifted, unique, and powerful.

With love and moxie,

Carly