Did you just move? Decide you need to do a whole life overhaul to make your wildest dreams? Learn that your people maybe weren’t who you thought they were? Whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re here.

We have a lot to talk about, and though I am very much so an adhd side quest (prepare for lots of parentheses additions) and “long story longer” kind of girlie, I am going to do my best to keep this short, fiesty and powerful… Kind of how I’d love people to describe me.

If you’re new here, I am a mom of three, multipassionate entrepreneur, visionary business woman, and also, someone who has moved a lot…and honestly, I recently realized that starting over boldly is kind of my thing.

I figured I should put out a blog on one the most important and impactful lessons I’ve learned each time I’ve made a move in address, in season, or in occupation.

You have to build fierce, female friendships, and I’m going to help you figure out how to do that.

What is a fierce, female friendship?

A fierce, female friendship is a friendship that is built on mutual respect and a shared value interests. Fierce female friendships challenge you to be open to seeing things differently, but respect your personal perspective.

So how do we do it? How do you find your people?

5 Tips for Finding your People

1. Look for people with similar value interests as you.
   • Focus on what makes them tick and lean in and learn about that. Don’t worry about your differences beyond that. You’ll be shocked to find out that even the most different people when connected to a value interest can form a loyal and incredibly impactful friendship.
     
     For example, I met one of me dear friends, Jill when I worked at a center for independent living in Minot, North Dakota. She was compassionate at her job, kind hearted, and was super fun to laugh with in the office. But I think what drew me most to her was that she deeply desired to help people. She wasn’t loyal to an organization or to specific people, she was loyal to her desire to help people. I like people like that… even better I learn from people like that. It was clear from early on in my tenure at that nonprofit that I was going to drink many a cup of coffee in her office.
     
2. Join things…even if you hate it, it’s temporary.
   • In order to find your people, you may have to refind yourself, and that often starts with exploring hobbies. This can feel daunting, especially for many women who realize that when they fell in love, the identity they had before being a partner or a mother fell apart too. She’s still there, you may just have to dig a bit.
     
     Consider looking at local organizations that align with who you are: public library, adult community sports (i.e. softball, volleyball, corn hole, darts, etc.), religious organizations, nature centers, community centers, charities, etc. This is also something that I suggest doing often, not just when you’re first starting your friend search…You’ll be shocked at how as the seasons of your life change having new perspectives in your corner can best serve you.
     
     If you can’t find your people locally, open up your search soul sister. Folks can say all they want about network marketing, but I have met some of my fiercest female friendships through my 10 years in that industry. I am consistently inspired and challenged to use my skills differently. Maybe that’d be a good fit for you, too? ((If you do want to chat about that…email me back. I’d love to get you headed in the right direction and have a table full of fierce friends what would welcome you with open arms.) )
     
3. Ask the awkward questions.
   • Asking someone to meet for lunch, coffee, a drink, ice cream, a walk, heck…whatever it is you want to do can be awkward. I get it, but here’s the thing.
     
     EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY. Just like joining that book club that may be less than perfect, if it’s not a great fit for you, you don’t have to ever do it again.
     
     Now that I think of it…this is kind of the same logic I serve to my kids along side their veggies that I require them to at least take a bite of and try. It won’t kill you, it might make you stronger, and we’ll try again if this is an epic fail.
     
4. Make your own friends.
   • This one can be especially tough for my momma friends, but please, please, please hear me out. Finding friends that aren’t connected to your kids might be the most important one on this list.
     
     Chances are, when the friendship is built and healthy, she’ll love your kids dearly anyways…she may even by happenstance have a kiddo of similar age, but you need to make your own friends.
     
     You need friends that are not connected to your children because having your own space to be your person is HEALTHY. It also shows your children that having and prioritizing your own personal friendships through adulthood is not only just a thing, but it’s an important thing. Do this one unapologetically.
     
5. Inner Horseshoe > Inner Circle
   • I love the concept of an inner circle, and truly, an inner horseshoe is only different because of it’s inclusivity and magnet like qualities.
     
     Have you ever seen a group of women and thought they’d be your people, only to approach them and quickly notice that their circle is so tight that they don’t even notice you’re looking for a space to step in? Oof. It’s simultaneously the worst, but also the best indicator that those were, fact, not your people.
     
     I’m challenging you to continue to build a horseshoe. Keep space in your circle so others can join. In doing so, you’ll be in that lucky horseshoe, magnet shape, and chances are you’ll keep attracting the best kind of people into your life.

While you’re putting these into practice, let’s connect on social media. I’d love to be a part of your horseshoe, and you a part of mine. If you’re looking to build friendships like this, you are absolutely my people.

xoxo –

Carly